


Out

by Goldfish_In_Space



Series: Stuck with Kids [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, Post-Sburb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-05
Updated: 2011-08-05
Packaged: 2017-10-22 05:52:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/234578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldfish_In_Space/pseuds/Goldfish_In_Space
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p><i><a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/289391">Here</a> is what happens to these two next.</i></p></blockquote>





	Out

They were supposed to be watching a movie, but again they were just sitting in the kitchen arguing about film again. Chairs pulled out from the table, Karkat leaned back while John rested his forearms on it.

“There’s never any rivalry between the leads in human cinema, though. If there is, it’s comical- kind of pathetic. Awww, well, they’re in competition of each other and they might start out not liking each other, but then they have makeouts about halfway through and suddenly she thinks he’s a stand up kind of guy.” Said Karkat, “Or even worse fake-hate. I swear I’ve seen humans act out on kissmesisitude in real life, but you never capture it in your cinema.”

“We do sometimes.” said John.

“Name one movie where the leads hate each other and keep hating each other through the entire movie. Name one.”

“Well there’s Cyclops and Wolverine in X-men...”

“They’re not romantically involved, fuckass. It’s not the same thing.”

John started to say something, but stopped.

“I guess, yeah. Cultural difference, I guess.”

“Hmph.”

They sat in silence for a while. John could feel Karkat’s eyes on him, but he looked at his hands. They had been friends for so long, but he was still kind of on the spot every time Karkat disagreed with him. As soon as it was more than just text it was... well, real yelling, real disapproval. He still never really watched movies with anyone else. No one would actually talk about them the way they would- so he guessed it was a trade off.

Friendship was weird for humans and trolls.

“That’s always your idiotic excuse. ‘Cultural’ difference.’”

“Well, it’s kind of-”

“Bullshit! Humans do it all too, the only difference is that you pudgy assholes pretend it’s not in your nature!”

“I dunno. Humans usually seem pretty repulsed by things like murder...”

“Do you think I’m all murder gung-ho? Or Tavros? Nepeta? Seriously, who’s ass are you pulling this out of? Vriska is a fucking sociopath, okay- and didn’t she bullshit you into thinking she regretted it?”

“I thought she was pretty sincere about that.”

“But you sure believed her when she told you it was just Eridan and just once.”

“Well... Eridan kind of went out of his way to tell me otherwise.”

“Out of the fucking kindness of his bleeding heart.”

“Whatever, Karkat. That was a long time ago.”

It lapsed into another silence as Karkat took a soda from the fridge. John had actually been the one to buy that case, under the assumption that he would end up drinking most of them, anyway. For the most part it had been true, but this time when Karkat offered him one he declined. There was already a strange, sweet taste in his mouth. He wasn’t sure he liked it much, and mixing it with pop would just make it worse. He got up and poured himself a glass of water, instead.

“That shit will kill you,” said Karkat. “Pickle you right from the inside out.”

“You sound like Dave when you say that. Have you seen him recently?”

“Not really. Kanaya a bit- Terezi- but mostly you. I think the others have finally wised up and realized that I’m an insufferable asshole all day every day. You’re just behind the learning curve, John. Weren’t we going to watch some piece of shit movie?”

“Hey- it’s not a piece of shit.” said John, reaching over to muss Karkat’s hair, “It’s a beautiful work of cinema.”

“Whatever. Sure.”

Karkat got up without pushing in his chair and opened the fridge for another soda. John rose to defend his choice of cinema further.

“It is!”

Karkat watched John speak, without listening to what he was saying. His little pink hands went flying in all directions when he spoke, and his face turned upward like he was speaking to someone much taller than him, even thought he wasn’t. He just wouldn’t leave. It didn’t seem to matter how inhospitable Karkat got, he showed up again in a few days with a new movie or bullshit activity that he needed companionship to watch/do as he psycho-babbled about their friendship. Or movies. Or anything, really. And his hands kept finding their way into Karkat’s hair. Just now, he had done it again. It was kind of like being pet, and he supposed it was to convey affection, but somehow it didn’t quite fit.

The worst part was he babbled back. Smiled- went along with the bullshit activities. Like this instance, where John had phoned and asked if he had seen this piece of shit movie and if he wanted to watch it today. The answers had been no and yes, respectively. He was doing this to himself- and he knew it- for the same reason he had always done it, which he consciously refused to know.

“Karkat? Karkat? Are you listening?”

“No.”

John had walked around the table, up close.

“If you touch my head again, I will murder you.”

“You’re so weird about that, sometimes.”

“No I’m not. It’s your fucking cultural difference, right there.”

“Aw, come on. I just do it cause-”

“Because you’re a moron, I get it.”

“No, I-”

“Don’t fuck with anyone else’s head.”

“I-”

“Don’t!”

“Well, no one else freaks out about it, randomly!”

“Because you don’t do it to anyone else!”

“This is so dumb- is this really what you’re mad abo- hey!”

Karkat snatched John’s glasses from his face and held them in his right hand.

“Oh, come on, Karkat. This is so juvenile.”

“Here’s your fucking cultural difference.” he said, stepping closer.

“You’re still-ah.”

John felt one of Karkat’s arms wrap around his back and one of his hands rest on his shoulder. He braced himself with a hand on Karkat’s arm and looked up just in time to feel Karkat’s nose graze his before he kissed him. Suddenly he was leaning into the troll, almost falling over. Karkat moved to accommodate- pulling him closer. The hand on his shoulder found his neck, then cheek. And he was kissing back now, with that hand on the back of his neck-guiding- and his stomach pressed against Karkat. The hand he had put out to brace himself gripped Karkat’s shirt, white knuckled, while his other found it’s way to his hip. He could feel Karkat’s hand weave though his hair as they broke away, and his breath on his face. He barely had time to breathe again before his stomach bottomed out with another kiss, and another. He was trembling now- enough that Karkat broke away and pulled him onto the floor. Sitting cross legged on the linoleum John turned away, only to have arms wrap around his torso from behind.

“You’re... shaking.” said Karkat.

“Oh God, Karkat...”

“What?”

“I just can’t do this- it’s not.. I’m not...”

Karkat snorted.

“For someone who didn’t enjoy that, you sure fucking kissed me back.”

John put his head in his hands and didn’t say anything.

“Oh fuck... John, are you crying...? John?”

“No.”

“Oh fuck... John..”

“Karkat could you please let go of me?”

“No.”

He started to shake in earnest.

“Why not?”

“Because you’re fucking distressed! You’re not walking out this door until you’re not weeping tears and snot all over yourself.”

“I’m not...”

“You are fucking so.”

“No! Not that... I’m not-not...”

“Not what, John?”

He mumbled something incomprehensible and wiped his face with his hands.

“John.”

“Can’t you say anything else?”

“What the fuck else am I supposed to say? I’m sorry I gave in to months of teasing and kissed you? I’m sorry you liked it? What the fuck is there for me to say right now, John? Start actually making sense and then maybe I can help you out.”

John just hung his head lower.

“Okay, fine. Don’t even talk to me about it. Just sit there and weep and make absolutely no sense. It seems like a great idea. And so fucking helpful. I’m going to go watch that piece of shit movie and if you feel like growing some balls and dealing with whatever bullshit you’re going through right now I’ll be in the fucking living room on the couch watching your stupid movie.”

He saw John’s hand twitch as he got up to go, like he was going to grab Karkat’s hand to stop him from leaving, but it stayed white jointed on the linoleum.

“Sit wherever the hell you want.”, he said as he left the kitchen.

***

 

John was sitting at the table, now, and as Karkat walked through the kitchen he put his head in his hands again. On the way back he was still there, and he didn’t move as Karkat got a third soda and made his way back into the living room to finish the movie.

He had been staring grim-faced at the blank screen after the end credits for a while, when he looked over to see John hovering around the entrance to the living room. Karkat met his eyes for a second, before John looked at his feet. He backed up, just half a step, like he was going to leave, before biting his lip and sitting himself down on the sofa next to Karkat. Neither of them said anything until John wiped his eyes again.

“Really?” said Karkat.

“Really what?”

“This, here, now. That’s what. What the fuck, John.”

“It’s just...”

“Cultural difference? It that the shit you’re going to spew at me?”

“No-yes- no, wait... I.. Karkat...”

“What?”

“I just never thought that I would... like, I thought I was just waiting for the right girl, but then you came and...”

“Am I the right girl, John? Is that where you’ve come out disappointed?”

“What? No, Karkat I’m just so- this isn’t what I thought-”

“Try finishing a sentence every once and a while, huh?”

“Why are you so mad at me?”

“I already fucking told you, you sniveling asshole.”

“And that’s not fair! Yes! Okay, it’s some fucking cultural difference that I’m not sure I’m okay with liking this because I’m not gay!”

“What the fuck is gay, really, and why the fuck has it ever mattered to anyone? How does who you kiss matter at fucking all?”

“I- it- it matters to me, okay!”

“It sure didn’t seem to matter when I was kissing you, did it?”

“Karkat, you just don’t get it, okay?”

“What is there to fucking get?”

“That I’m not gay, that I’m not okay with this, that I just don’t know anymore!”

Karkat leaned back on the couch and leered.

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Karkat-”

“You’re touching me again, John. Might want to watch that.”

“You are such an asshole.”

“You’re learning! That’s great. You’ve evolved past a monkey. Well done.”

Tears leaked over John’s face again, and Karkat deflated. It had to be tears, and it had to be John, right here and now on his fucking couch with him being a giant douche-bag about everything. Jesus Fuck. Another one bites the dust, doesn’t it? Yeah, probably.

He sighed.

“Listen, John- I’m being an asshole. This is... dealing with whatever problem this is. I’m sorry, okay?”

Sitting up, he reached a tentative hand towards John, to have him take it and grip it tight.

“Karkat, I think I need...”

“To shut up. Every time I open my mouth I make everything worse, so we should just both shut our gobs. Yeah?”

John just nodded and turned to wrap Karkat in a hug. Karkat’s arms shot up into the air. Contradictory. Everything was contradictory and it wasn’t fair. He hesitated a moment and felt John start to move away before he hastily returned the hug. John rubbed his face against his shirt, wiping it again, and Karkat held onto him tighter. He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. It still wasn’t fair.

“This hurts my spine.” said John.

So it was already over. Karkat moved to let go, but John stayed where he was.

“No.”

It was John that first swung his legs onto the couch. Karkat just followed suit, until John was laying beside him, breathing into his chest. What now? John was just laying there, holding him so tight it was hard to breathe. The perfect cock tease- and at this point he must have known it. If he sighed, it would sound like a growl, which would scare John even more, so he just closed his eyes and breathed silently out through his nose. He could feel John’s heartbeat- even faster than his own. And he wiggled, the little bastard.

He opened his eyes to a touch on his cheek. John’s hand grazed his face before jumping away. Not having anywhere to go, though, he just let it rest back where it was.

“Your eyes are starting to actually be red, now.”

Karkat blinked.

“Yeah... yours have always been blue.”

“Yeah.”

John looked down, like he was hiding and clutched Karkat harder. Then he let go for just a second, before tightening his grip again- and that one hand still rested gently on his cheek. Clenching or loosening. His face was so close- close enough he could feel John’s breath if he looked up. He stayed down, though, with his face buried and his hand on Karkat’s cheek. Retaliation. Karkat nudged his hand onto John’s shoulder. It tensed, and then relaxed, so he crept upwards until he was holding the back of John’s head gently in his palm. John tensed at this too, and again after a moment, relaxed.

He just kept looking, even if John wouldn’t meet his eyes, or even face him. There wasn’t anything else for him to do as John... dozed? Whatever it was that he thought he was doing. He just absently watched himself work his fingers through John’s hair, and mulled over the unfairness that was his life. He must have dozed off, too, at some point, because he was suddenly aware that his eyes were closed and that John was moving again. Hand still on Karkat’s cheek, he was pulling himself up. Karkat’s eyes fluttered open, just as John pressed the lightest of kisses on his lips.

John jumped back when he saw that Karkat was awake, and started to say something before Karkat cut him off.

“No,” he said, “you were totally right. I was never going to notice that. Not a fucking chance.”

Still only inches from his face, John turned peasant red and opened his mouth to justify himself. Karkat just rolled his eyes and kissed him. John just melted against him. He fitted himself against the contours of Karkat’s body and stayed there. He gave in to every movement- filled any space between them. Endless. John was everything there was, until he broke away.

“Do you hear that?”

“What?”

A tinkle of keys on the kitchen counter, and then the sound and light of the fridge opening. A soda clinked and Gamzee walked though the living room, already taking a swig.

“Hey brothers, I won’t bother you all twisted up like a candy-cane, there. Just gunna head to bed.”

They lay there like deer in headlights.

“Night.” said Gamzee as he went upstairs.

“Shit,” said John, “what time is it?”

“You could uh, crash here if you needed to.” said Karkat.

“No! Ah-no... it’s before one, I can still catch a bus.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, it’ll be by in about ten minutes.”

“Have all your stuff?”

“Y-No. It’s in my coat in the kitchen. Where did I put my shoes?”

John detached himself to fully sit up.

“They’re probably at the door. Do you want me to walk you to the bus stop?”

“Uh, you don’t have to.”

“Too bad.”

John didn’t say anything to that. He just left Karkat on the couch to grab his stuff. Karkat sighed and followed suit. Shoes, coat, keys, out the door. John waited for him on the little front porch and they walked quietly down the street. John swung his arms as they walked and looked to the ground. Waiting for the downswing, Karkat caught John’s hand in his own. John flinched away, but kept his grip on Karkat’s hand all the way to the bus stop. John didn’t sit down, so he wrapped his arms around him in the dark. Eventually bus headlights came into view, but he didn’t let go. He felt John starting to fidget as the bus neared, but still didn’t let go.

“What is this, Karkat?” asked John, still staring at the approaching bus.

“What the f... what do you think it is?”

He didn’t answer.

“John?”

This time he looked up at Karkat, and was fast enough to dodge another kiss as the bus pulled into the stop two blocks up the street.

“Okay then.” said Karkat, letting go, “Goodbye.”

The bus pulled out of the stop and John floundered.

“Karkat?” he said.

“Yes?”

“Um...”

He looked up, and Karkat saw his face change as he leaned into him for the kiss he had just dodged. Karkat wasted no time, the bus pulled up and John got on it. He watched the bus roll down the hill until it was gone and sighed.

“This is going to be really fucking stupid, isn’t it?” he muttered to himself as he turned to walk home.

**Author's Note:**

>  _[Here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/289391) is what happens to these two next._


End file.
